Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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