you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
