Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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