I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
