Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
