dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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