No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bring me that man meat
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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