I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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