i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
