Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
