That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
