When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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