Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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