I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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