4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize