I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
