At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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