just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
