I hate all girls vehemently.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
