I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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