I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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