physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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