im six kinds of drunk right now
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
NoShamevember. You game?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
