Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
