Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
