Im at strip club and am horny
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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