the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
