she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dicks are not precious.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
