I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
