yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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