are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
