I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
