his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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