so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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