Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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