The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
