Just fell off a train. Bad.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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