on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's always time for handjobs
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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