You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
