So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
