My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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