gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
