you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
