This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
