If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
