No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I party with great urgency now.
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