Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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