You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
