Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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