just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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