Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
