I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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