ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
