I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
