i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
