had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
