and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to stop coming to work sober
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
