Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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