You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
