My Higher Power is John Stamos
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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