By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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