You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
