she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So apparently I’m into choking now
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