im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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