Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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