There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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