I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
